Hi, my name is Angelique and I am a recovering MURDERER.

I HAVE A CONFESSION.

I just hope you won’t all think I am some kind of terrible monster after you learn this fact about me:

When I was young, I killed ants…for fun.

*GASP*

“You did what? Muuuurderer!” – You say in a harsh whisper whiles flaring your nostrils.

It is not something I am proud of. It shames me to think of all the lives I have stolen, the families I have destroyed and the countless ant societies that have crumbed due to my devil child ways.

“But ants don’t have families and societies?” – You think to yourself, all confused.

Have you not seen Bugs Life?! That movie is about as real as it gets. Think about it, how can a single specie that organised not conform to some sort of rules or ant laws? It also brings my joy to think that after a hard day at work, carrying bits of who-knows-what 4 times their size, the poor ants have loving families and lightly salted chip crumbs to go home to.

Don’t even get me started on the ant police. I just know, deep down in my gut, that a photo of the bottom of my foot as well as one with me holding my kickass water gun is plastered on the walls  of Investigator Antonio’s office.

Wanted. This horrid beast has killed thousands of our kind. Do YOU want to be next? No one is safe until this dreaded creature has been captured. Unlimited berry juice supply as a reward.

I can’t even bear to think of the soul destroying comments that are made about me down there.

If we are being completely honest here, I am sure I am not the only human being who has ever purposely killed or trapped an ant. If you are willing to be even more honest, you will admit that it was fun – in a twisted kind of sadistically amusing way.

EX ANT MURDERERS UNITE!

A very important, yet scary, thought occurred to me to other day.

(If you have admitted to killing an ant, read on. If not, you are still in DENIAL but I give you permission to read on anyways.)

My very important, yet scary, thought: What if ALL the billions of ants out there decided to take revenge?

We would be doomed – just like that sucker grasshopper in Bugs Life. I am no scientist but I am pretty sure that they would out number us by a ridiculous amount.

I guess all I am trying to say is that if that fateful day ever does come, I hope your water gun is at least half as cool as mine.

Or you could just be nicer to ants. They also have feelings you know. And friends… the moth, stickmen, ladybug kind. We honestly cannot afford to make anymore bug enemies.

So next time you happen to be walking around town with a spring in your step, thinking you are all innocent and saint like, THINK AGAIN. You probably stepped on more ants than you could count on both your hands and feet.

But I will forgive you… as long as it wasn’t intentional.

Happy walking.

Angie

xx

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20 responses to “Hi, my name is Angelique and I am a recovering MURDERER.

  1. What a wicked blog you have written Angie – I didn’t just like it, I absolutely loved it! It reminded me of a very old black and white movie I saw many years ago as a child called “Them”. It was all about giant ants taking revenge on us humans and frightened me so much that I could not sleep for many nights fearing they were going to come out of the wardrobe in the middle of the night and eat me up. I am so glad I decided to click on that ‘follow’ button on your page as you are now one of my favourite bloggers.

    • Thank you Hugh! I was about to consider watching this movie until you mentioned the sleepless nights… I have a very vivid imagination. Trust me when I say that I would literally convince myself there are ants crawling up my legs while I try sleep. Therefore, I think I will pass. 😛
      I really appreciate that. You made me smile. 🙂 I could say the same to you.

  2. Wow..very imaginative. And I have thought the same thing about ant revenge as I poisoned a fire ant hill. What if they come back to get me?

  3. and just yesterday I lectured my son on how you never kill ants on purpose…but kids will be kids…so you have nothing to feel guilty of my dear:)..And Bug’s life was definitely an eye opener:D

  4. I used to do the same when I was a kid but I would feel guilty about it so after killing them, I would bury them and light candles, offer flowers and put a cross made of broomsticks. True. Hehe.

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