I HAVE A CONFESSION.
I just hope you won’t all think I am some kind of terrible monster after you learn this fact about me:
When I was young, I killed ants…for fun.
“You did what? Muuuurderer!” – You say in a harsh whisper whiles flaring your nostrils.
It is not something I am proud of. It shames me to think of all the lives I have stolen, the families I have destroyed and the countless ant societies that have crumbed due to my devil child ways.
“But ants don’t have families and societies?” – You think to yourself, all confused.
Have you not seen Bugs Life?! That movie is about as real as it gets. Think about it, how can a single specie that organised not conform to some sort of rules or ant laws? It also brings my joy to think that after a hard day at work, carrying bits of who-knows-what 4 times their size, the poor ants have loving families and lightly salted chip crumbs to go home to.
Don’t even get me started on the ant police. I just know, deep down in my gut, that a photo of the bottom of my foot as well as one with me holding my kickass water gun is plastered on the walls of Investigator Antonio’s office.
Wanted. This horrid beast has killed thousands of our kind. Do YOU want to be next? No one is safe until this dreaded creature has been captured. Unlimited berry juice supply as a reward.
I can’t even bear to think of the soul destroying comments that are made about me down there.
If we are being completely honest here, I am sure I am not the only human being who has ever purposely killed or trapped an ant. If you are willing to be even more honest, you will admit that it was fun – in a twisted kind of sadistically amusing way.
EX ANT MURDERERS UNITE!
A very important, yet scary, thought occurred to me to other day.
(If you have admitted to killing an ant, read on. If not, you are still in DENIAL but I give you permission to read on anyways.)
My very important, yet scary, thought: What if ALL the billions of ants out there decided to take revenge?
We would be doomed – just like that sucker grasshopper in Bugs Life. I am no scientist but I am pretty sure that they would out number us by a ridiculous amount.
I guess all I am trying to say is that if that fateful day ever does come, I hope your water gun is at least half as cool as mine.
Or you could just be nicer to ants. They also have feelings you know. And friends… the moth, stickmen, ladybug kind. We honestly cannot afford to make anymore bug enemies.
So next time you happen to be walking around town with a spring in your step, thinking you are all innocent and saint like, THINK AGAIN. You probably stepped on more ants than you could count on both your hands and feet.
But I will forgive you… as long as it wasn’t intentional.